Rule # 2 Always hold compassion for myself
Try not to judge. Shut that critical voice down. A judgmental critical voice does not allow me to have any real insight or clarity and that is what I am after. Judgement causes suffering in all of its ugly forms. Also, I do not want to allow anyone to become a negative mirror to me. This means a person who reflects back my bad feelings and beliefs about myself. I may not even be aware that I even have these thoughts and feelings because I am not observing or tuning into myself (recall rule #1).
If I do not have compassion for myself, then I allow another person to reflect back my negative beliefs and feelings and believe them. The effects of this is I try to get love and approval from somebody else, giving away my power to the other person and allowing them to take my energy.
One of the ways I generate compassion for myself is through meditation. I will sit for a few minutes and picture a white light enveloping me and think of a moment I feel really loving like when I hang out with my two little nephews that I absolutely adore. When I feel like I am being hard on myself, I reflect back on the white light and a joyful moment. Also, mantras and positive affirmations can be helpful, but I use these with a nonjudgmental mind not attempting to override a negative thought or feeling. So again Tara Brach’s RAIN technique is helpful here too (the A for allow things to be). Taking time for myself is important. Doing loving and caring things like exercise, eating healthy food, spending time in nature, gardening, massage, buying myself flowers or candles, taking baths, and spending time with a good friend or family member.